Collection of brothel jokes!

Now for a little light relief, no pun intended! :D

This madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. "May I help you, sir?" she asked. The man replied "I want to see Valerie." "Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else?" said the madam. He replied, "No, I must see Valerie." Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. "There are no discounts. The price is still $5000." Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The man replied, "New Brunswick." "Really," she said. "I have family in New Brunswick." "I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. I've now given you your $15,000 inheritance."


A trucker who has been on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen Darlin', I ain't horny, I'm homesick!"




A woman goes to a pet shop and immediately spots a large, beautiful parrot. There's a sign on the cage that says $50.00, which seems awfully cheap. "Why so little?," she asks the pet store owner. The owner looks at her seriously and says, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thinks about this, but decides she has to have the bird anyway. She takes it home and hangs the bird's cage up in her living room and waits for it to say something. The bird looks around the room, then at her, and says, "New house, new madam." The woman is a bit shocked at the implication, but then finds it kind of amusing. When her 2 teenage daughters return from school, the bird sees them enter and says, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman are a bit offended but then begin to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband comes home from work. The bird looks at him and says, "Hi, Keith!"

So a man walks into a brothel. He's a little down on his luck and only has $5. He asks the woman at the front desk, "So what can I get with this?" and hands her the $5. She takes the money and says, "Second door on the left." The man goes to the room and sees a chicken on the bed. He's confused and searches the room for a woman. He fails to find one and looks at the chicken. "Well, I guess it's better than nothing." He proceeds to have sex with the chicken. Turns out it was the best he's ever had. A week later he comes back with $1. "So, uhh, what can I get for this?" The woman at the front desk says, "First room on the left." He walks into the room and sees a bunch of guys crowded around a hole in the wall. He gets a chance to peek through and sees two sexy lesbians getting it on. "Man, they're really going at it," he says, "This is pretty crazy." One guy from the crowd says, "Oh that's nothing. You should have been here last week, there was a dude fucking a chicken!"

What do you call children who are born into a whorehouse? Brothel sprouts.

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat, watching the front door of the brothel over the road. The local Methodist pastor appears and quickly goes inside. "Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman, "Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?" No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door, knocks, and goes inside. The second Irishman says "Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!" They continue drinking their beer, roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi, when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door. "Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman. "One of the girls must have died."


A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays? Germany.



What did the sign on the door of the brothel say? We're closed, beat it!

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?" The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges." A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has sex with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"

A mate of mine is into "Heavy S&M." He enjoys nothing better than being beaten up by a vicious woman whilst naked and vulnerable. Anyway, he was telling me that he goes to brothels for this several times a week. "Fuck me," I said, "that must cost you a fortune!" "Nah," he replied, "I just book a normal service, fuck her, then tell her I haven't got any money!"